Mason Motel- Trip Advisor Rejected Review

June 13, 2016

So Trip Advisor rejected my review of my stay at my Nans house, I can’t see why they would 😉 Anyway here it is for you to read.

A quaint bungalow situated in the outskirts of Hampshire, this pleasant accommodation provides a friendly caring atmosphere for you to relax, put your feet up and enjoy yourself. However there are a few hotel treats that have an unexpected and at times un-needed and unwanted country twist. that may make you review your stay.

Upon arriving at the “Mason Motel”, I was greeted by elderly Grandmother Elsie. She was extremely friendly and allowed me to get settled and in her words “treat this as your home”…. So I did, and what initially started out as a 1 month stay, has now turned into nearly 2 years!

I was given my own room and immediately settled in as soon as I removed the bunk beds and installed a double bed, well after all I was single at the time and were bound to impress the ladies with my chat up line “Would you like to come back to my Nans”. Suffice to say the chat up line did not have the effect I was hoping for and it didn’t “bring all the bitches to the yard” as I had hoped.

Bed sheets are changed on a weekly basis, which to be honest is 4 times more per month than I changed them at Uni. The pillow mint gently placed on your pillow has been replaced with the gentle rubbing of the cats arse in its latest attempt to give you pink-eye.

Packed lunches are provided on request, and also provided when you don’t request them, but after all “We must make you fatter”…Mission accomplished.
Dinner is on the table upon arrival at 6pm, traditionally meat and two veg. However, more recently an attempt to explore her culinary skills with vaster international cuisine has occurred with such meals as Lasagne or Steak and chips. I particularly enjoyed the first attempt at Stir Fry, but were secretly pleased that the second attempt contained Noodles instead of Spaghetti…

The turnaround times on clothes being washed, ironed and folded is a few hours, I can’t give an exact figure having never done it but I’m sure there’s room for improvement there. And if you thought it was just normal attire, boy were you wrong, socks and undies as standard!

We’ve all been there when you nip out for a quiet drink down your not so local local in the next town and end up deciding it would be a good idea to walk home. 2 hours later crawling through the front door missing a shoe, pen all over your face and a new pet goat, trying to remember what the f*** just happened. But do not fear, at the Mason Motel help is at hand, landing lights guide you to your room, bedside lamp points to your bed, curtains closed, glass of squash next to bed awaiting the morning “dryer than a Nuns crack” mouth. The absence of a morning wakeup call is a blessing in disguise, eventually you move your delicate self to the settee where a full English will be served. The perfect hangover accommodation!

The driveway allows for ample accommodation, at one point I managed to get my 2 cars and boat neatly on to, hiding all the previous oil stains I had left.

The garden is beautifully presented, a wander around is relaxing, until you find the presents the dog has left under a neatly positioned stack of leaves stuck to the edge of them, don’t worry your shoes will pick most of it up.

Televison schedule is fairly fixed, starting with Jeremy Kyle in the morning until the soaps begin. I’m not really a soap fan but I try to be sociable and watch it. I still can’t believe the Laurel and Ashley story in Emmerdale, my gosh is it gripping…err I mean annoying… I did try and introduce her to The Inbetweeners but there is only so many times I can cringe when “Flange”, “Pussy” and “minge” are said in front of your 87 year old Nan.

This last week has been a real test, with Nan recovering from an op, I’ve had to make my own lunch, empty the dishwasher, and even wash my own clothes. I know, I know, I don’t want anyone to worry, she will recover soon so she can take over the chores again and I can go back to sitting on my arse… Well she better because I AM KNACKERED and my lunches aren’t going to make themselves.

The WiFi is now excellent, after initially moving in BT said that I was going 50 Gb over the monthly limit, it was just Netflix I promise! I promptly left them and now I use as much as I like, take that BT!

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